It’s still back-to-school season in my mind, even on a long weekend. So today I decided to speak to parents again. But really, this could be of interest if you influence anyone at all (and you do). We can get pretty wrapped up in all the material goods we’re supposed to provide for our kids. It is our job as parents, after all, to provide for needs like food, clothing, shelter, and school supplies, but who’s happy with just that? Of course, we should be content with that, but no one in my sphere would be satisfied, especially no child I know. We’re compelled to provide toys, trips, and experiences that add even more to their life. And we do that for good reasons because we want them to be well-rounded and prepared for the future. Maybe, however, some of their greatest needs can be provided for free. Maybe because they are free, we can lose sight of them sooner than the needs that drain the bank account. Here are five needs any parent can meet for free.
1. Humility
Opening the list is one we might do well to demonstrate more with actions than words. Both are necessary. Humility is a big topic, but I want to focus here on just two aspects. The first is openness. There’s a big universe out there, and that means there’s an awful lot we don’t know. There’s joy in learning, so the last thing we want to do is pretend to know everything. If we don’t know everything, then we cannot let kids, or anyone, feel comfortable pretending to know everything. Not only will humility help us acknowledge our shortcomings, but it will set us up to ask questions and make corrections all the better.
The second aspect of humility I’ll mention is respectfulness. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your children are special. And yes, that other kid is special, too. As a professor once told me, everyone is my superior in some way, and I can learn from them. Likewise, everyone is God’s image and deserves dignity and respect. Beyond that, there are authority structures in this life. So we demand respect from children (think: obedience—a child who does not show respect in the home will not show it out of the home), but we also show them we respect our authorities as well as theirs (teachers, coaches, etc.).
2. Morality
Next is providing kids with a sense that some things are always right, and some things are always wrong. Now, if these lists get very long, they will seem to conflict with the idea of humility. But if they are too short, or non-existent, then people will not have an anchor in this world. Like leaves in the wind, they will be blown around by feelings or popular philosophy, detached from convictions about truth, honor, and justice. For Bible believers, God’s Word is absolute and cannot fail. It can be misunderstood, however, so teaching what it says and how to interpret and apply what it says is a major responsibility.
3. Identity
Identity is a big deal. It seems like it is discussed more today than it was when I was young. That’s both good and bad. It’s unfortunate that so many modern young people are a bit lost when it comes to figuring out who they are. On the other hand, because there are so many questions, we can help shape hearts and minds more clearly. Tim Keller used to talk about how, traditionally, people were given their identities by their parents or the culture, but in the modern world, people rebel against that and choose their own identity. So sex (or gender), ethnicity, family and community belonging, career, and so on, are either facts that a person accepts, or options that a person chooses. In both cases, however, a person is left with an identity that needs others to confirm or affirm in order for them to feel secure. They feel like they have to earn it; they have to prove it.
If we can point kids to the identity that God has given them, they might find relief in the idea that they don’t have to earn it or prove it. They are God’s image (unchangeable fact). God meant for them to be born male or female, in a certain place and time, to a particular family and ethnicity, with their own strengths and weaknesses. But most importantly, if they know and trust Jesus, they are God’s adopted child with the same rights and privileges as the rest of His children (unchangeable fact). And that’s identity that no one can take away or deny.
4. Confidence
I’m really not sure that anyone is confident in their confidence. But I am pretty sure that confidence comes more as a result, or as a byproduct, of other characteristics. So here I’ll mention a couple of the characteristics that encourage confidence: responsibility and resourcefulness. A child (or anyone) has to be given responsibilities they are expected to fulfill. Only upon completion of given tasks (work), can a person believe in their ability to do them. Parents naturally help their kids learn confidence by assigning them age-appropriate and reasonable responsibilities, and then expecting them to finish them.
Only upon completion of given tasks, can a person believe in their ability to do them.
Responsibility builds confidence because a child becomes more aware of what they can and can’t do (yet). And over time, and a variety of experiences, this knowledge is paired with an understanding of how to find the help and tools they need along the way, i.e., resourcefulness. Basically, they’re not helpless. So when they are not sure what to do, they can use their experience, knowledge, and skills to make a plan and work it out. This combination of responsibility and resourcefulness will build confident young people.
5. Hope
There’s never been a better time to be alive! Education, technology, standard of living, health care, you name it! There are plenty of reasons to be optimistic about the present and future. I am not suggesting that everything is good, or just. Everything is obviously not. That’s not the point of optimism. The point is that we, and our kids, are participating in a world that’s worth improving and that we can improve by engaging in it. Why would we want to make the next generation cynical, afraid, or nihilistic, when we can give it hope? Everyone matters. Everyone’s impact on others matters. God is at work, and we get to be a part of something grand and eternal when we set out to bless this world.
So these are five needs of all kids that parents can meet for free. What do you think? I’d love to see your thoughts on these or others I might have missed.