5 Questions to Ask Yourself About You

Considering the Art of Becoming

“Sire,” Nathaniel asked. “Do you…like yourself?” Prince Edward’s answer was absolutely perfect for his character. “What’s not to like?” These two questions are not in my following list, but their inclusion in Enchanted makes a good point. I bet most of us relate to Nathaniel more than Prince Edward. Even in the movie, we were meant to scoff at Edward’s answer, not because he’s so distant, but because he’s so clueless. Why? We struggle with who we are, if we’re the person we’re supposed to be, if we’re all that we were meant to be. And I think, to varying degrees, we always will. I do not think, however, that struggle is just a burden. It’s an invitation to evaluation, decision, and change.

We’re always changing. Sometimes we change unintentionally and/or willfully. We’re all getting older, if nothing else, and that is change, indeed. But sometimes we change on purpose. That is, we make a decision. So, if you’re thinking about your own life—who you are becoming—here are five questions to ask yourself about you, so that you can change on purpose.  

1. Who do you want to be like?

I start here because I want to distinguish between who and what. What you want to be like suggests a list of traits. That’s fine. But I want to begin by asking you if there’s a real person you want to emulate. I don’t mean changing your personality. But since we are people, we are more than a list of attributes. Do you know someone who embodies the kind of person you want to be? For Christians (“little Christs”), this should be obvious. Becoming more like Jesus doesn’t mean losing your distinct personality. It just means you are not a slave to your own personality.

When someone says, “You know me…I just can’t do that; I have to do this…” I always feel a little sad because it’s an admission of helplessness. You are not your personality, and I am not mine. We have a choice, and I really think that choice is easier when we know Jesus is with us, helping us, and cheering for us when we commit to becoming like him.

2. What do you believe, and how does that act?

Actions speak louder than words but both are needed. Do you believe there is right and wrong? How does that act? Do you believe that you and every person you will ever meet (or won’t) is God’s image and deserves to be treated with dignity? How does that act? Do you believe that being the right kind of person is more important than acquiring your personal preferences? How does that act?

You might flip this around. How do you act, what does that say about your beliefs, and is that what you say you believe? Are you lashing out in anger all the time? What does that say about what’s most important to you (like, what you want or deserve)? Is that what you say is most important? Or maybe, do you never sacrifice something you want in the moment? What does that say about your priorities (like, today’s feelings will rule your life)? Is that what you say your priorities are? These are the questions that make us evaluate ourselves based on what we say we believe. And BTW, everybody else is already evaluating us based on what we say we believe.  

3. Are you acting today like the person you want to become tomorrow?

The person I want to become tomorrow is lean, powerful, and energetic. Today, I’ll eat ice cream, skip the workout, and stay up too late. Today’s actions and tomorrow’s vision…don’t match. The person you want to become tomorrow is an engaged parent, a good friend, and a wise counselor. Today, you never asked a personal question, forgot to reach out to the person you want to keep up with, and didn’t read a thing that was more than 200 characters. You get it. It never happens on accident (not much anyway, but God is still gracious). We don’t stumble into personal growth tomorrow; we do something about it today.

4. What do you want more, short-term desires or long-term character?

The problem with following your heart is that the heart is not a particularly smart organ. “The heart wants what the heart wants,” is quoted as part of a near universal understanding that the head and the heart don’t always seem to agree. Following your heart will often sacrifice long-term character for short-term desires. We’ve all been there. You want this outcome or pleasure now, whatever it takes. At the same time, the person you really want to become says you should give up what your heart wants now. But that person seems so far off, in the distant future. When we decide we want long-term character more than short-term desires, we have to invest our heart in that, too, so it’s close to us. We have to fall in love with that vision, so when the heart wants what the heart wants, it wants what’s best for the years of our lives, not just for minutes of the moment.

5. Where is there pain?

Finally, here’s a different sort of question. I ask about pain because I’ve observed that people often won’t change simply because they ought to. They change because they are tired of pain. When there’s a continual pinch-point, friction, or discomfort, we make adjustments to avoid pain. That’s a real motivation to change something. Why did I change my diet in my 30s and start exercising in my 40s? Pain and discomfort. Why did you spend money on a program to help you earn/save more money? You were stressed by your finances. Is there something about your life that causes trouble, anxiety, discomfort, or pain today? Physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually? There’s the motivation, the push to get you started.

You may already be thinking about the change you need to make to become the best version of you. You’ve been thinking about it, and maybe praying about it. I hope these questions have helped you identify what you might do about it. Let me know.

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