Hi. I’m going to share something with you that I have not said much about before, as long as you promise not to hold it against me. In 1992, I voted for Ross Perot for President. It’s not something I’m proud of. I mean, he was a capable businessman of Electronic Data Systems fame, probably a pretty decent fellow, and someone who seemed to have acted in a noble manner before. Looking back, however, he had no business being the President of the United States. I made a bad choice.
I share this because it’s ancient history (I was still a teen) and not controversial (he actually gained a lot of support for an independent candidate). More importantly, I want to illustrate and resist a part of human nature I see in all areas of life. Rather than admit a wrong, we not only continue to defend the decision of the time, we furthermore commit to doing it again. We can rigidly stick to our guns as if to say, “Hey, I wasn’t wrong at the time, and I am also incapable of being wrong. So, I’m going to keep doing it even with the information I have now.” Like I said, I brought up 1992 as an illustration. I’m not going to discuss old elections or current ones. What I am going to discuss is our need to ruthlessly deny the desire to be right all the time.
Well, now that I see that in writing, it doesn’t make sense. Of course, we want to be right all the time, and that’s fine—a good thing really. Who wants to be wrong? So to clarify, I mean we need to deny the desire to prove we’re always right, even when faced with evidence to the contrary.
You’re Not Always Right (or always wrong)
No. There are other possibilities. All of us are sometimes right and sometimes wrong, a trait that should help us be more humble. And many times, we will not know the quality of our opinions until some time has passed to demonstrate it. Why is this hard to admit when we know it’s obviously true?
There’s another explanation that’s also common. Ready for it? Here it is: Things change. Let’s say you like “x” and dislike “y.” Let’s also stipulate that you have good reason for those opinions and your opinion is settled. Yes on x and no on y. Easy. But what happens when, over time, x and y change? Do you continue to support one and not the other out of tradition? You like so-and-so’s movies because you decided you liked them 20 years ago. But you dislike what’s-her-face’s movies because you didn’t like the only one you saw. Things change. There’s no need to double down. Just move on with what’s in front of you now.
We might see it at work or in our families. People are convinced of a course of action because “it works,” or “it’s right.” And because they cannot be wrong, they commit to stick with it, even if it doesn’t work, or even if it’s not right.
I see it in churches. Someone remembers a preference their pastor mentioned when they were 21 years old, and they accepted it as gospel truth. But then things changed. Styles changed. Circumstances changed. Culture changed. In fact, that pastor might have changed his opinion, too. But that preference is still engrained and immovable for some. Why?
The Apostle Paul famously changed his tune about the usefulness of Mark in ministry. Does that mean he was wrong years earlier when he split with Barnabas over the issue of bringing Mark with them to visit the churches? Maybe. Maybe not. He doesn’t say. He simply acknowledges that the situation has changed in the intervening years. There was no need for him to double down on his earlier opinion of Mark. It was time to move on.
Never Admit You Were Wrong or People Will Walk All Over You
No. Here’s another obvious error. Do you want to follow, or work with people who can never admit they were wrong? I think our experience shows that when someone with the best interests of others in mind admits that their way didn’t work out as planned and makes adjustments, we’re probably more likely to support them. Think about it. Would you rather work for that person, or for the person who either continues on a bad path, or does change but still claims they were right all along? We support the one who admits an error, recalculates, and moves on.
I was talking with a friend the other night and we were mutually bemoaning how, when time flies, we can become disappointed about the things have not accomplished. While this is not really about being right or wrong, it does remind me that life doesn’t go as expected or planned. That’s OK. It shows that we didn’t have the whole picture when we made plans in the past and we almost certainly don’t have it now. But to be the best version of ourselves, we have to learn to accept that we were right about some things, wrong about others, learn lessons from all of the above, and move on. It’s hard to learn lessons if we cannot admit a mistake. But I’m sure that greater growth happens when we can.