Hi. It doesn’t bother me that Pastor X said he thinks that Grandma should go to her granddaughter’s same-sex wedding. It doesn’t bother me that Pastor Y said he would give the opposite counsel. What’s upsetting is that people demand separation over the difference of opinion.
Let me back up. Maybe you’re aware of recent controversial remarks made by a noteworthy pastor in my area. When this pastor (long sentence alert!), whose traditional, biblical, one-man-one-woman views on marriage are known, was asked for advice about attending the same-sex wedding of a grandchild, by a woman who agreed with his views on marriage, and whose family understood her objections to the wedding, he suggested, after stipulating all of the reality above, that she should surprise the family and go. For the sake of love and compassion, she might, he thought, be more effective in bringing light to the situation by her presence (with a gift) than by her absence. Of course, he added, in another time, place and context, he might give different advice. He reminded listeners of the need to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12). That doesn’t bother me.
Well, you might imagine that some other Christians and pastors took exception to this. When asked about those remarks, another noteworthy pastor, and longtime friend of the first, suggested going to the wedding was not at all loving because a believer must never support stepping into God’s judgment. Instead, he insisted, one must draw the line, remind the family of the biblical model and meaning of marriage, oppose the wedding which celebrates a sinful turning away from God, and sit it out. That doesn’t bother me either.
(I understand that my summaries of both positions above are incomplete, but they are good enough for what follows.)
“What?” you ask. “You can’t be OK with both. You have to agree with one or the other. You have to decide!” Yep. I do. And so do you. Sort of. But that’s just not my point here. It’s not upsetting to me that respectable pastors think differently about some issues. I can live with that; it makes me think. It’s better to have smart, spiritual people whom I respect take different positions sometimes. That forces us to do a better job of supporting our own positions.
What’s upsetting is the fallout. Pastor X was dropped by a radio network. He had to cancel a conference appearance with the other pastor, to avoid distraction, I guess. The internet did what the internet does and people went crazy taking sides and saying dumb unhelpful things. Christians separated themselves from other Christians over this. This!
To be clear, these leaders agree that the Bible is absolutely God’s Word. They agree that the gospel of Jesus Christ is the only way to forgiveness of sin and eternal life in relationship with God. They agree on the need for Christians to engage the people around them with the reality of sin and an invitation to know God through repentance and faith. And they agree on their theology of marriage, i.e., neither supports gay, or otherwise non-traditional, marriage. The disagreement is on how to apply all the things they agree on. So, to everyone who demands separation from (and even discipline of) those who disagree, I say this. Give me a break, will ya?
Where are the elder statesmen? Where are the courageous? The church needs people who say, yeah, we disagree about what to do in a tough situation. And we’re still friends. Live with it. Get over yourselves and show a little humility. No one is denying the faith, here. If you want to protest our conference over this, we’ll usher you out. If you want to stop giving to our radio network, we’ll live. But if you can’t handle a difference of opinion on what simple, faithful, churchgoing, God-fearing, and family-loving people ought to do when faced with no-win situations, the problem is not some pastor out there. The problem is much closer.
Update: I’m not sure why I left out names. I think there’s something in me that doesn’t want to appear improper toward these other leaders, at least not directly. But if you don’t know who they are, let me say they’re not part of my church or association of churches.