4 Ways to Get Your People to Agree with You about Everything
AKA: How to become an extremist.
It may sound like the following ideas come from a conversation you and I have had recently. It does! (Sort of.) Please understand that they come from several conversations I’ve had recently with several people. That’s why I’m writing them down, not to betray any personal interactions, but because these ideas keep coming up (even in a previous post). I hope that by putting words to these ideas, I can help us all process what we’re seeing around us.
The fact is that anyone and any organization can fall into the trap of needing people to agree about everything. Yes, that is a trap. It won’t end well. Individually, it will alienate us from others. Organizationally, it will lead to, or fit well into, decline and death. So here are four ways we see this unfortunate felt need manifest itself, and some thoughts on what we might do about them.
1. Limit exposure to others outside your group.
The more we keep others as outsiders, the easier it is to denounce their ideas and ways of doing things. When we don’t really know those with whom we might disagree, then it will not feel so bad when we impugn not just their ways, but their character and motivations. Alternatively, if you actually get outside of your network, get to know people who believe and do things differently, and even work with them toward some common goals, it will be pretty hard to keep your group’s thinking pure. You’ll expand your associations, enrich your life, and increase your impact, but you’ll sacrifice total agreement.
When we don’t really know those with whom we might disagree, then it will not feel so bad when we impugn not just their ways, but their character and motivations.
2. Expect conformity about how you see things.
I get it. “Culture eats strategy for breakfast” (Peter Drucker), and all that. You want to live and work in an environment where people have similar expectations. But I’ve seen people (leaders) get so passionate about culture, that it becomes a need for conformity. Not only must we agree about mission, values, and standards, but we also have to lean so hard into our niche that there’s no room for different views. When there’s no room for divergent perspectives, the people who hold them will eventually get the hint. However, if you seek to hear from those you respect (or ought to respect), even if they challenge your way of seeing things, you’ll certainly obtain a better view. But it will take work to sort it out.
3. Elevate the importance of every belief.
You either believe something or you don’t, right? And if you believe it, then you should fight for it. Yeah! Fight! After all, it’s not enough that our side wins, the other must fail, and fail in convincing fashion. There IS just one right policy. There IS just one way to teach people. There IS just one way to hang the toilet paper or squeeze the toothpaste. This is especially tempting for beliefs we get from the Bible. If it’s God’s Word, then it’s black and white. You’re with me or you’re a denier. There’s no room for humility, no room for stratification of levels of importance and/or certitude, no room for questions or debate. Not only will we define ourselves and our groups more specifically (narrowly), but we’ll also know who our real friends are (since the others will leave). But if, on the other hand, you try to live like some things matter more than other things, you’ll have more people around you, but you won’t be able to control them.
4. Equate faithfulness to mission with repetition of methods.
Once upon a time, we did a good thing, we did it well, and we achieved the result we wanted. It is obvious, therefore, we must now do that same thing always and forever. Everyone is used to it and knows how to do it. Nobody complains when we do it. And the more we do it, the better we get at it. Of course, even if we do it poorly, we forgive ourselves quickly because we’re being faithful and that is what matters. Oh, maybe we’re not accomplishing our business goals. Or perhaps we are not having the impact we set out to. Maybe we have stopped growing as an individual or as a couple. But we’re going to keep doing the things that we’re doing, and we won’t hear of a change. When repetition equals faithfulness, then anyone who challenges it or even gets bored with it is…free to go. Now, if you do reconsider how you’re going to do things, then you might reach your goals better, but you’re setting yourself up for uncertainty, trial and error, chaos! Everyone is going to have an idea for what to do next, and you will not like some of them.
BONUS: Ignore people who reject your way and swing hard to other extreme.
As long as we’re becoming extremists, we’ll always be able to shake our heads at the people who leave our group and join the opposite extreme. Don’t take any responsibility for them. They didn’t react so dramatically to being pushed too hard. Just shake your head in disbelief that those weirdos could keep rejecting the truth.
Like I said earlier, I hope that by putting words to these ideas, I can help us all process what we’re seeing around us. What do you think? Have you seen these things happen? Have they happened to you? Can we keep refining what we think, say, and do, without becoming extreme and unnecessarily shrinking our tribe?
I appreciate this, as I have been recently looking for ways to become an extremist, and I haven’t seen a step-by-step guide yet. Not all heroes wear capes.